The Number One Meeting Rule: If You Are In, Be In.

I really don’t want to be here!

How often have you sat in a meeting and wished you were somewhere else, or seen others who are clearly miles away – in some other work, some other place or time.
The signs are always there – staring into the distance, fiddling with a gadget or being engrossed in the laptop.

When I convene any meeting of more than 3 people – I stress my number rule of group collaboration:

It’s ok to be out, but if you are in – be in!

What does it mean to be ‘In’?

Being ‘In’ means being 100% engaged in the conversation – you don’t have to talk all the time or do anything spectacular, you just need to be mentally and emotionally present.
When you are in – you are focused on the conversation. You are listening, questioning, participating with others to reach the purpose of the conversation.

It is a specific kind of mindfulness – being in the moment, listening without judgement and being open to what is emerging – with the added aspect of doing it towards the purpose of the conversation.  Being ‘in’ is pretty hard to sustain for long periods.  Clearly, how long anyone can sustain it at a stretch is relative and personal – for me, I struggle to be ‘in’ for more than 45 minutes at a time.

Why is it important to be ‘In’?

important , Be in photo


Image by Valerie Everett

There are few reasons why being present and accounted for in any conversation is important, here are some that I think are particularly important:

You get more from your conversation
Your senses are open to more that is being said – you really hear what is being discussed. You notice more, you question more and you likely get better answers.

You give more to your conversation.
When you are engaged and present, your collaborators feel that you are engaged and so you are more likely to have your input respected and heard. With your senses in the conversation, it is more likely that your collaborators feel they are being heard – one of our fundamental human needs.

Your conversations become more productive.
Imagine if everyone was ‘in’ – there would be fewer distractions and fewer distractions tolerated. You and your group could focus all your resources on the purpose at hand. With this kind of collective focus, your group will

You can count on your co-collaborators and they can count on you.
There is nothing worse than not being able to count on the participation of people who show up at a meeting. You are there for a purpose and there are people who don’t really want to be there – they are less likely to help tease and idea into some wonderful. If they contribute at all, it is usually because they are prodded to respond and even then, it is the barest minimum engagement.

When you are ‘in’ , your collaborators learn to count on you being present and you can count on them for the same.

5 Tips for being ‘In’.

laptops , Be in photo

  1. Have more interesting meetings
    You are more likely to be ‘in’ if something that is being discussed interests you  –  either that you can contribute to or learn from. So learn to say ‘No’ to meetings that do not interest you.
  2. Have shorter meetings
    It is a safe bet that anything over 1 hour without breaks will burn out the ability to be ‘in’ of most people. Encourage people who invite you to meetings to keep them shorter to help you give your undivided presence.
  3. Ban laptops in meetings, discourage phone fiddling
    Meetings where everyone is armed with their laptops are awful – everyone has their head down doing who-knows-what. Declare a general amnesty and ask attendees to check their ‘weapons’ at the door – this could actually be another way to get shorter meetings. Few people in this ‘always on’ world can bear to be away from email or IM for more than an hour!
    Also – ask that people not check their phones – put them on silent or vibrate – instead build breaks every 15 minutes or so to help them get their notification fix.
  4. Be Explicit.
    Be explicit about being ‘in’ , but make it ok to be ‘out’ and people don’t have to attend if they are ‘out’.
  5. Explicitly Check In
    For longer meetings – do a check in at the start and after every break. Also make it ok for attendees to ‘check out’ at any time – by raising their hand or simply notifying the group with as little disruption as possible.

I hope these tips help you be more present in your meetings and to recognise when others are. I’d love to hear what other ways you find to help you and your group be ‘in’.


Image by David Blackwell.

Mindfulness for #Success: It Takes Three Simple Steps and No Meditation

Did you hear about executives taking up mindfulness for success?

I learned about mindfulness at University. From day one I was hooked and proceeded to spend all of my time into pouring over journal articles on the topic. The more I did, the more value I saw in it — it bolsters up your immune system, improves concentration and productivity, and relieves stress. It could even be one of the keys to longevity.

However, there is a problem when it comes to pitching mindfulness to modern people. The modern person is more data-driven than heart-driven. So what’s the first thing you imagine when you hear mindfulness?

meditation

You’re also thinking there’s no way that could help your day-to-day routine, right? Don’t worry, that’s what I’m here for: to break the association. 

There has been a misconception about mindfulness — that it is a spiritual thing, which is not entirely true. While you can make it whatever you want it to be, data-driven people tend to steer clear from heart-driven practices.

If you have heard of the Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh, you probably know that he’s been consulting a bunch of high-profile tech companies in Silicon Valley. CEO’s have spent a lot of time and money on “turning towards their inner selves and realizing the truth of our inner-connectedness”.

That’s a beautiful concept but… it’s definitely a good way to lose a skeptic. Not to mention, there are wildly inaccurate definitions like:

Mindfulness is a form of meditation rooted in spiritual teaching in which people focus their full attention on the present moment.

This is why you might think mindfulness is bullshit — because it sounds so far removed from your modern values. But let’s see…

What mindfulness really is

The best working definition is:

the ability to cultivate a focused, non-judgmental awareness on the present moment

It’s not about connecting to your inner self or your spirit animal or God. It doesn’t even require you to meditate! It’s about being present. Simply, mindfulness is the opposite of mindlessness. Examples of mindlessness:

  • Rushing through activities without being attentive to them.
  • Breaking or spilling things because of carelessness, inattention, or thinking of something else.
  • Failing to notice subtle feelings of physical tension or discomfort.
  • Forgetting a person’s name almost as soon as we’ve heard it.
  • Finding ourselves preoccupied with the future or the past.
  • Snacking without being aware of eating.

How often do you experience those? Yeah, me too.

When it feels like everything is vying for your attention — the media, the family, the boss, the past, the future — you split yourself in so many ways that you don’t even realize what the consequences are — lower productivity, shorter attention span, inability to enjoy a pleasant moment, etc.

This is why you need mindfulness to anchor you to the present moment.

undivided attention

Wouldn’t that be something? Anything you’re doing right now could be enhanced into something magnificent.

If you recall, there’s a powerful read called Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi who talks about this wonderful state of consciousness where you’re immersed in the moment, completely satisfied by what you’re doing. And while that usually happens when you create things, it could be achieved in other contexts, too. Mindfulness can take you there because it makes you an active participant in the process, as opposed to a distracted one that only does a half-ass job.

Not to mention… when you make decisions and assign tasks, you’re always hung up on all the details and people involved. It’s a good break for the brain to simply look at something as it is, as opposed to how you see it — sometimes creativity and innovation depend on it.

How can you become more mindful?

Now we’re getting to it. I’m not really a fan of meditation, so it’s good news that I don’t have to do it to achieve mindfulness. Sure, there are mindfulness meditation (Vipassana) and loving kindness meditation, but you and me can learn to be present by following three simple steps:

  1. Noticing
  2. Accepting and —
  3. Practicing

What are you doing right now? Stop. Look around you. Smell the air. Is it fresh? How does it feel against your skin? How does breathing feel?

Focus on those questions and the answers that come naturally. Don’t get distracted. The moment your mind starts veering off into its previous routine of round-and-round thinking, pinch yourself and go back to feeling the air and seeing your surroundings. Right now, you’re aware of everything — you’re noticing things without the interruptions of your mind, and noticing is the difference between looking and seeing.

Whatever you’re seeing or feeling right now, I want you to accept it.

This is the tricky part because we are all a bit of control freaks. But when you accept things, you feel like a huge weight has been lifted. This is because you’ve been carrying the weight of judgment. When you remove judgment from seeing, it’s just experiencing. Nothing more. And it feels light because your mind is unencumbered by something it wasn’t built for.

programming

Finally, if you want to be able to be mindful at will, you have to habitualize the process. They say it takes 10,000 kicks and 30 days to internalize a process, but that’s a number’s game. Instead, try with a trigger and routine. (Borrowed from The Power of Habit and Hooked.)

The trigger might be a yawn during the day or a headache at the end of it. It could a time of day or someone saying a particular word. The trigger will act as an alarm to wake you up from your default autopilot program.

For example, it could be blue buttons you stick around you, and you have to pause and be mindful when you see them. (But that could be quite often.)

Whatever trigger you chose, you have to always follow up with your routine — which can be anything involving noticing things and suspending judgment. If you can be mindful for one minute every day, you’ll get the hang of it, and the results will last you a lifetime. The rest is just practice.

Personally, I have benefited from mindfulness in two instances:

  1. When I have to wait in line and —
  2. When I’m enjoying good time with friends

In the first instance, my trigger is queuing up on a line. While I’d usually get worked up and impatient about it, not I’m just quiet and calm.

In the second instance, it’s helped me to stop and connect to a happy moment. I mean, there’s all this wonderful energy around me and I’m reminded of work or checking my phone or thinking about what I’m going to say next. Now I have to stop and look around —marvel at how perfect my life is at this moment in time. It’s a much-needed treat.

Do you have your trigger and routine in mind? You can wing it, but it would be even better if you took the time to write them down now. I’d be super-happy to see them in the comments below. 🙂